London Underground is developing its own brand of Newspeak, which is loudly disseminated via repetitive recorded announcements.

Engineering work is never just that: it is always either ‘planned engineering work’ or ‘necessary engineering work’. There seems to be no difference between these kinds of works; the important thing is to make clear to would-be travellers that the resulting disruption is not the result of a train breakdown or signal failure. We must be made to understand that the line or station has been closed for our benefit.

However, lines are no longer ‘closed’ – they are ‘part-suspended’. But it’s nonsense to say, for example, that the Central line is “part-suspended in both directions between Marble Arch and Liverpool Street”. Between those stations the line is completely and utterly closed. Why not be clear about it?

These annoyances are compounded by the recent introduction of machine-generated announcements in a staccato male voice that can make being in a tube station an agonising experience, especially at weekends, when its messages become almost ceaseless. Even the worst diction from a human being can’t grate more than the monotone delivery of this evil robot, which puts you on edge before it has even finished saying “Ladies and gentlemen”.

One LU recorded announcement does deserve praise. The woman who warns you that your unattended luggage ‘may be destroyed’ succeeds in conveying the impression that she is deeply sorry that such an extreme course of action may be necessary – and perhaps even planned.